


Mission Impossible

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: Irresistible Force, meet Immovable Object [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Dark!Loki, Dark!Tony, Tony and Loki take over Midgard without bloodshed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 07:43:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11664675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: In which Loki is the God of Lies AND Mischief, Tony Stark doesn't play well with others, and Shield learns not to covet Tony's things.





	Mission Impossible

**Author's Note:**

> This was written back in my Dark!Tony phase (TBH that phase never fucking ended, lol). I thought I'd posted this already, but apparently I didn't? I don't understand how that's true because it was finished when I found it again?! But whatever, here it is.
> 
> Big Short Prompt: Rebellion (and Revenge, and Justice, and Hate)

It starts as a mission, he is supposed to get in under Loki’s skin and become irreplaceable to the god. He is supposed to turn the god to their side, but that’s not how things happen. That is never how things were going to happen.

* * *

_“You know I’m the God of Lies, right?” the god asks out of the blue one day, and that’s three weeks after the beginning of the end. Tony’s face lights up and he smiles._

_“I knew you weren’t fooled. Why’d you play along?”_

_“I’m also the God of Mischief, remember?”_

_“What are you planning?”_

* * *

They all count on him, they all count on him to sell himself, body and soul, to the mission. They all count on him for this.

He doesn’t so much as sell himself as give himself away with a little card that reads ‘free to a good home. Give me love and I’ll be loyal until the end of time.’

* * *

_“Stark!”_

_“What?! I’m busy!!”_

_“Marry me!”_

_“What?!”_

_“You heard me.”_

_“Huh, yeah, okay. Why not?”_

* * *

He’s supposed to be the one in control. He’s supposed to be the one leading, the one making the decisions. He’s supposed to be the one seducing.

Oh, he seduces, alright. Just not in the way that he’s supposed to.

* * *

_“You know I can build your stupid rainbow bridge, right?”_

_“What?”_

_“I mean, it wouldn’t be exactly the Bifrost because that’s ridiculous. Who builds an instantaneous transporter that requires you to go on a trek to use? No, I have much better ideas in mind.”_

_“You-“_

_“Shh, let me think about this.”_

* * *

And okay, so everyone but him manages to remember that it’s a mission. Everyone but him manages to remember that he’s supposed to be selling himself for the _Good of Mankind_ , or something. He forgets.

* * *

_“The Widow wants an update.”_

_“On what?!”_

_“She wouldn’t say, but I suppose she meant the_ Mission.”

_“What mission?”_

_“Me.”_

_“Huh? Oh, oh, right._ Right. _Whatever. I’ll contact her later, I’m busy.”_

* * *

Somehow it is three years before anyone realizes that no, actually his mission is a complete and utter failure. Somehow it is three years before anyone realizes that, yes, famed ‘commitment gives me hives’ playboy Tony Stark, has, quite seriously, settled down with his target and is entirely devoted.

* * *

_“What the fuck, Stark?! You’re supposed to be bringing him to_ our _side!”_

_“Yeah, well, about that.” Tony starts, pausing only to glance at all of his onetime ‘friends’. “I was told I don’t play well with others, you know? And I’ve frequently stated that I don’t like people touching my things. Maybe you should have kept that in mind?”_

_“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”_

_“It means that Jarvis is currently ejecting all of your belongings from this tower and from the Avenger’s HQ. It also means that every piece of Stark Technology provided to the US government or Shield has been rebooted to its factory settings. Jarvis, these people aren’t allowed to play with my toys anymore.”_

_“Understood. Would you like me to take out the trash, sir?”_

_“Please, I’ll be in my workshop.”_

_“Of course, sir.”_

_“Oh, and Rogers?” Stark calls, turning to the Captain with a smirk on his face. “Without the suit?” He says, holding his arms spread eagled and spinning on his heel to leave the room. “I’m King.”_

* * *

They try to ruin him, but he owns Earth. Earth is his, it has been his since the day he was born. Earth is his kingdom, and his people love him.

* * *

_“A little over two weeks ago, I discovered that our government had been using my technology to spy on the American People. I discovered that the government had decided that you, the American People, were too stupid to notice, and those of you who would notice, were to be swiftly dealt with. Because of this, I’ve removed all government access to my technology_ , all _of my technology. While the government and our military adjust to their new circumstances, I’ve activated a series of protocols which will ensure our people are protected.”_

_“Mr Stark, Mr Stark. How did you find out about this breach of trust and civil rights?”_

_“There were some among the Avengers who knew what the government were doing. They spoke of it within the confines of Stark Tower where, for security reasons, JARVIS is running 24/7. Jarvis reported this conversation to me, and I acted as quickly as I could. I stopped making weapons when I learned they were being used against American People. I will not build technology that is to be used against the American People. Thank you for your time.”_

* * *

And just like that, Tony Stark fails the mission but wins the war. 


End file.
